The photo is from a family backpacking and camping trip to the Blue Ridge Mountains in North Carolina where Ann's parents have a place. -- Randy

...It was during those long, dark nights that I found peace in God's word. Some say that we are often closest to God in the darkness. I think there is something to that. I love the Gospel of John. John understands the darkness; it is a major theme in his Gospel. He starts out by saying the light shines in the darkness. In my case, the light did shine. I spent a lot of time praying, reading scripture, and just sitting with God...and I was comforted. What an amazing and powerful thing it is to feel God's presence. People find strength to deal with the most difficult circumstances because we know that God is close by.

Psalm 23 is among the most beautiful written. This psalm has gotten me through some of my toughest times. MRIs are horrible for me. My pain increases tremendously when I lie flat. The first couple of times they tried to put me through an MRI, the pain became so unbearable, they had to pull me out. One day Randy and I decided we would commit Psalm 23 to memory. It didn't take long as we were so familiar with it. I took my Shepherd with me into the next MRI: The Lord is my Shepherd I shall not want He makes me lie down in green pastures He leads me beside the still waters He restores my soul He leads me down paths of righteousness for his names sake. Even though I walk through the shadow of the valley of death, I will fear no evil. For You are with me. Your rod and your staff comfort me You prepare a table in the presence of my enemies You anoint my head with oil My cup runs over Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

These words are not only beautiful. They are powerful. My Shepherd is with me in my darkest moments and in my most difficult trials. And, He comforts me during the entire hour I have to spend completely still inside a narrow tube. He was with me during the daily doses of radiation, which left me so sick and weak I couldn't walk across the room. If you haven't done so already, memorize these words and know that the Shepherd goes with you always. People say I'm strong, but I'm not. I struggle with my faith. When I met with the surgeon after months of treatment, the hope was that I would now be operable. He looked at me and said, "there is nothing I can do for you. Your tumor still completely encases a major artery." But surgery is a pancreatic patient's best hope for survival. After all those months of treatment...treatment that practically took me to the brink of death, I felt him saying it was for nothing. Randy and I sat there stunned. One of our pastors was with us that day in Indianapolis. The three of us went to the hospital chapel to pray. I can remember pleading with God to give me more faith because I was scared. But I kept hearing His voice saying, "Be not afraid." Our pastor told me she heard the same voice. Those words are written throughout the Bible; perhaps more than any other words. Over and over we read, "Be not afraid; fear not."

Prayers are answered. Our God is faithful. Here it is the beginning of November and I am still here. I don't feel like I'm dying. That in itself is a miracle. From the very beginning of this trial, I have claimed this promise from God found in Jeremiah 29:11..."For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future." God has taught me a lot. I've learned to live five minutes at a time. I've learned to detach. I'll never forget the church service we attended during our mission trip to Jamaica. What a celebration that was! The tiny church was packed and people were singing with real joy in their hearts. These people who literally have nothing danced around the pews and sang a song about "being on that Morning Train." We don't sing about wanting to be on that morning train here. I think that's because we've created our own heaven right here on earth. I know I have a little slice of heaven that I'm not eager to leave behind. But God is teaching me to detach.

Paul's letter to Timothy we hear such peace in his words. 2 Timothy 4:6-8 reads: "For I am already being poured out like a drink offering and the time has come for my departure. I have fought the good fight. I have finished the race. I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me a crown of righteousness which the Lord, the righteous judge will award me on that day...and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing." Paul understood his purpose in life. Death to Paul was a rest, a port after stormy seas. He was to exchange the confines of a Roman prison for the glorious courts of heaven. The joy and peace that Paul expresses is open to all of us who fight the fight and finish the race and keep the faith. I can tell you that I don't feel like I've finished the race. I don't know if I completely understand my purpose in life. So I am asking God to allow me to keep running. I am asking Him for healing so I can continue my ministry on earth. Scripture reveals people who have waited and waited on faith that the promises of God are real. At this moment I am once again waiting. On Wednesday I went in for a PET scan. That's where they inject you with radioactive sugar and allow that to circulate throughout your body...and then they do a full scan. Any cancer anywhere in your body is supposed to light up like a Christmas tree. I am still waiting for the results and once again I am left wondering if cancer lurks somewhere else in my body. I have never liked waiting, but I too am holding onto the truth that our God is faithful. God keeps His promises. I believe that...and that is faith.

I find so much comfort in the psalmist who says, "I know exactly how you feel right now because I've been there. But listen to me, our God is faithful. You will not go under in the quicksand. Wait...just wait...He is faithful. Hold on, because He will not forsake you. He is coming. Again these words: I was sure by now God, You would have reached down And wiped our tears away Stepped in and saved the day But once again, I say "Amen" and it's still raining.

Sometimes God calms the storms in our lives. But sometimes He rides them with us. I am still a castaway. I have made a life on this island. Still, I await a rescue. The good news is, there is a ship on the horizon. It is the comfort of Christ.

Amen.

Play "Praise Him in the Storm"...Casting Crowns